She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
