I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
