Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
