Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
