just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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