hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
