Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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