Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
