Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
