I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
