Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im at strip club and am horny
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
