I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
