508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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