thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
