Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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