ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
