i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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