Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
