I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
