I looked at my own cervix.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
