If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
