brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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