Who did Billy Mays play for?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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