I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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