His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
