I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
