I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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