Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
