Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
