End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
