If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
