he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is wine microwaveable?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
