just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
