i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
