So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
