sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dick very happy bro
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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