You can't motorboat a personality
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
