I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
