Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
