There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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