My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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