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• (650): View more from California

  My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.

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• (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

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• (619): View more from California

  i wish my penis had a tongue

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  ...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda

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• (714): View more from California

  The dick lei will go down in squad history

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• (949): View more from California

  So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.

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