there's paper in my vomit.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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