Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
