Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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