please come you make the beer taste better
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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