can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bring me that man meat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
