Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
