shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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