At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
