dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Floor bacon is actually really good
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
