Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
