How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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