i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize