ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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