I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
