just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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