Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
