she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize