We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
