You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
