Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
